


she is all your life (and you are hers)

by potstickermaster



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: And other really vague things, But involves childhood bffs and a recounting of the years, Childhood Friends, F/F, Heads up for, I'm not really entirely sure, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Unrecognized feelings, i don't know what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 18:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16164323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potstickermaster/pseuds/potstickermaster
Summary: Kara keeps thinking about the girl with dark hair. She tells her classmates about her, too, but they all tease her about the girl not being real. Kara’s never quite been this excited about that same old boring cabin, but she just knows: She’ll prove the doubters wrong next summer.or the childhood best friends au where you’ve known a person for so long and, well, when you’ve loved them all your life, at which point do you realize you want to love them for the rest?





	she is all your life (and you are hers)

...

 _kung ang puso ko ay imamapa_ _  
_ _ikaw ang dulo, ang gitna’t simula_

(if you map my heart, you’ll see  
you are the end, the middle,  
and the beginning of me)

bawat daan, ebe dancel

 

 

.....

She is five years old when she first meets her.

Kara’s mother calls out for her to not go too far. The young blonde yells an affirmative before running out of the cabin, sheets of paper in hand. It’s late afternoon and the summer sun has cooled down a bit, and the five-year-old girl plans to take advantage of it. She pushes her hair back behind her ears and makes her way to the dock by the lake.

The water is calm, save for the light current brought by the breeze. She could see a pair of boats in the distance. In one of those boats are her father Zor-El and her uncle Jor-El, busy fishing; it’s one of their yearly traditions, aside from driving hours upon hours in their respective trucks to visit the same cabin in the same resort. For three or four years that Kara is aware of, anyway, and at this point she has gotten used to the few weeks they spend there for the summer. Her mom, Alura, and her auntie Lara are busy in the cabin preparing for dinner, and her cousin, baby Kal, is thankfully sleeping after crying for the duration of the morning.

Kara excitedly kneels near the edge of the dock and takes a sheet of blue paper. She neatly folds it into a boat before making another one with a sheet of red. Taking both of her paper boats, she settles them onto the surface of the water, then patiently waits until the breeze picks up again. Kara giggles as she watches the blue one float ahead of the other.

“Yeah, go blue!” She grins, standing so she could see eastward, where the current takes the two paper boats.

Her eyes land on the nearby cabin. Specifically, the lake dock, where a girl with black hair sits, her feet in the water. Kara squeaks in surprise; she didn’t notice the girl nor did she hear her arrive earlier, if she did. The young blonde notes the big boat tied by the dock, emblazoned with a two large Ls.  

“Hi!” Kara calls out with a wave. The girl looks up to her, then looks behind her, before glancing back at Kara and pointing to herself. Kara laughs and nods. “Yeah, you! Hi!” She waves again. The girl replies with a small, shy wave of her hand, then looks down to the paper boats by the water.

“The blue one won,” Kara yells, pointing to the blue paper boat several feet ahead of the red one and so close to the dark-haired girl. She smiles faintly and nods. Kara grins again and moves to make her way to her, except she hears a yell from the other cabin.

“Lena!”

The girl’s eyes widen. She bolts out of the water and practically runs back into the other cabin—so much bigger than the one Kara’s family had rented—without saying another word. Kara sighs and gives her retreating form a wave.

She tells herself she’ll try saying hello to the girl the next day. However, when Kara manages to drag her mother to come say hi to their neighbors, there is no one in the cabin.

“Ah, then they must have left early this morning, Kara,” Alura explains and squeezes her shoulders. “Don’t worry. Kal will be big enough to play with you come next year,” her mother promises with a little laugh, and Kara just scrunches her nose. They make their way back to their cabin so she could help her mom with the smores. Her father jokes about the girl being a ghost, but Kara only playfully huffs and throws a marshmallow towards his direction.

Kara keeps thinking about the girl with dark hair. She tells her classmates about her, too, but they all tease her about the girl not being real. Kara’s never quite been this excited about that same old boring cabin and its quiet stretch and those dumb trees, but she just knows: She’ll prove the doubters wrong next summer.

 

 

......

She is six, and the first thing she does when they arrive at the cabin resort that summer is run out of the truck to the large cabin next to theirs. All the doubts that have made themselves into her young mind vanish when she finds the young girl by the dock, just like the first time she saw her: feet dipped in water as the light breeze made her dark hair dance.

“You’re here!” Kara exclaims as she runs to the end of the dock. The girl seems to jump in surprise at her arrival, but she pulls something out of her ears. Kara realizes she is listening to music; a Walkman sits on her lap and she presses a button to pause it.

“Hi,” the girl breathes out, eyebrows furrowed. Kara grins apologetically, the gaps of her missing teeth on display.

“Sorry. I was so excited to see you! I’ve waited a year,” Kara explains. She quickly pulls her shoes off her feet, removes her socks, and sits by the edge beside the girl. She dips her legs into the water, too, seemingly surprising the girl further. “I’m Kara, by the way.”

The dark-haired girl fiddles with her earphones. “Um. I’m Lena,” she says softly. She looks back to their cabin worriedly. Kara turns to look, too, but grins.

“ _Lena!_ So I was right about what I heard,” she giggles. “I saw you last year when I played with my boats but you left. Everyone seems to think you’re a ghost.”

At that, Lena bites her lip. “Yeah, my step- my mother,” she stammers, “she made us leave to catch a- a plane.”

“A plane?” Kara asks. “You’re very far from here then? We’re just from Utah.”

Lena nods. “Metropolis.”

“Metropolis,” Kara echoes slowly. “Where’s that?”

Lena shrugs and tugs lightly on her earphones again. “I’m… Not sure. It’s…” She bites her lip and starts to count with her fingers. “Around six hours by plane.”

Kara gasps. “That’s so much shorter from Utah by truck!”

Lena only nods again. Kara tilts her head and bites her lip.  “You don’t talk a lot,” she says, and when Lena ducks her head, Kara shakes her own. “It’s not bad! I’m just really excited to see you, sorry if I’m talk—” Kara pauses to think. “If I talk too much.”

The dark-haired girl shakes her head and fiddles with her Walkman. “It’s okay,” she whispers. “I’m just… Not used to it.”

“To talkative people?”

Lena bites her lip. “Um. People?”

Kara furrows her eyebrows in confusion. People? She wants to ask if Lena about her other friends, but instead, she just grins again. “That’s fine. You’ll get used to me. What are you listening to?”

At that, Lena looks down at her Walkman. “Oh, it’s—” She shrugs, takes one of the earphone buds and hesitates before handing it to Kara. “It’s my mom’s favorite album. Not- Um. My real mom.”

Kara pauses before she puts the earphone in her left ear. “Your real mom?”

Lena doesn’t say anything, just puts the other earphone in her right ear and presses a button on her Walkman. The song continues to play from where Kara has interrupted Lena earlier—the woman sings _I will runaway,_ and Kara doesn’t really get what it means, but she likes the music. It sounds nice.

“Who is this?” Kara asks.

“The Corrs,” Lena answers softly.  

Kara nods thoughtfully. She hums with the song, and Lena smiles at her.

That summer is one of Kara’s best ones; she teaches Lena how to fold paper boats and planes and shows off her tree-climbing skills on days when Lena is allowed out of the house. She scrapes her knees one time and Lena worries until Kara promises her she’s fine, and Lena asks for her to be careful in a voice so soft the blonde barely hears. She keeps Lena's words to heart, anyway.

Lena says something about lessons, something about her brother as well, and when Kara invites her over for some snacks, Lena declines politely and says her mother would get angry. Kara only nods in understanding.

When they get back home, Kara asks her mom to buy a  Walkman and The Corrs’ album. Her mom asks her what she wants with an Irish band, but Kara just says she wants to listen to their songs. For science.

She memorizes all the songs by heart by the third week of listening to them. Not that she understood much of them, anyway; she asks her mom what running away means and Alura tells her not to do that instead of giving her an actual answer. Nonetheless, she looks forward for next summer, so she could talk about the album with her new friend, Lena.

 

 

.......

She is seven and Lena tells her she lost her Walkman at school. She looks sad about it. Kara nods, runs off the dock without another word, and returns panting with her own Walkman littered with stickers of ice cream cones and dinosaurs. She hands it to Lena.

“Here,” is all she says, not relenting until Lena accepts it. Kara grins when she finally does. Her missing teeth had grown back now, but one of Lena’s own is missing this time. Kara notices when she smiles. “I listened to The Corrs when I got home. I know all their songs now. I get why your mom likes them.”

They listen to the album together. Kara sings along with the songs until Lena has to leave when someone from the big house calls for her.

“Is your mom Irish?” Kara asks the next day, when they are looking for a tree with fruits that Kara could climb. Lena hums curiously in response. “My mom said The Corrs are Irish.”

Lena nods.

“So you’re Irish?” Kara asks.

Lena shakes her head. “I dun' know. My father, he’s… From Metropolis. So…”

Kara just nods and makes Lena promise that they’ll go climb trees in the coming days.

Lena keeps her promise. They find a couple of apple trees near the El cabin that Kara thinks her father planted many years ago. She climbs one for Lena, picks some fruits, and they share them under the shade while they talk about school and leaving when the vacation is over.

“Do you have your phone number?” Kara asks, some nights later, while they are hiding in the tent Zor-El had set up for Kara right in front of their cabin. Lena had managed to sneak out, proud of herself, and they eat chips and ice cream while they read a book Kara got from her aunt Lara for her birthday—something about a boy with a lightning scar and magic—lit only by a pair of flashlights Kara took from their truck.

“I don’t have it memorized,” Lena says softly.

“That’s fine,” Kara says, and she takes a pencil from her bag and scribbles their home phone number on an empty page of the book. She rips it off and gives it to Lena. “Here. So we don’t have to wait a year to talk to each other. I miss you a lot and I want to tell you about my day all the time.”

Lena smiles warmly and she looks like she is about to cry, but she accepts the page and folds it neatly into a paper plane. “I’ll call you,” she says.

She never does.

 

 

........

She is eight when uncle Jor-El and aunt Lara move to Australia with Kal. The young El is two and annoying, but despite that Kara knows she’ll miss them. Her parents tell her they could go somewhere else for the summer, but Kara insists she wants to go to the cabin and see Lena.

Lena still hasn’t called, but Kara writes down all the things she wants to tell Lena in a notebook hidden in her bedside drawer. She also has books she wants to share with her friend, similar to the first Harry Potter book they read together. Kara read it again, and she’s sure now she wants to be in Gryffindor, and she thinks Lena would do well in Ravenclaw—she’s _very_ smart, a year younger than Kara but could understand words Kara didn’t even know existed.

When Kara and her parents arrive at the cabin that summer, the big house beside them is quiet. Alura notes that the Luthors might arrive anytime soon; it’s the first time Kara hears them talk about the people from next door, but it’s with hushed whispers that Kara doesn’t understand much of. Not that she cared for what they have to say. She gets her books ready and her notebook dogeared to pages she wants to share to Lena first—her Harry Potter house, the talented boy in his class who could play seven instruments, their new neighbors, how she missed Lena. She wants to ask, too, why Lena didn’t call, but she figured someone took the paper plane Lena folded and made it fly.

It’s two days into summer vacation when the Luthors—as her mother called them—arrive. It’s three days after until Kara manages to see Lena. She is thinner than how Kara saw her last year, her hair longer and darker, but she at least looks elated to see Kara.

Lena hugs her, so tightly that Kara squeaks. She doesn’t pull away.

“I missed you,” Lena says against her neck—Kara is taller and she giggles and hugs Lena just as tightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. I- Um, I lost your number.”

Kara laughs and shakes her head. “That’s okay. But you have to tell me everything about you.”

She does. She tells Kara how she is taking piano lessons now, how she is top of her class, and how Kara is probably right about her being a Ravenclaw. On hours of the day when Lena is locked inside that massive house for her piano classes, Kara waits by the dock and reads a book as she listens to the soft melodies of whatever song Lena plays indoors.

When Lena is free to go out, they listen to the Walkman that Lena treasures the most. The stickers Kara had placed on it from months back are still there, like Lena had taken great care to keep them on. They talk about dinosaurs, the new CDs Kara’s parents bought for their only child, and the boy inside the house with Lena. The raven-haired girl only shrugs and says that Lex is her stepbrother, so much better than her in every way, and is probably the reason her mother could never see Lena as her real daughter.

“I think mother doesn’t like me much,” Lena murmurs, gently kicking her feet in the water. Kara watches the ripples dissipate.

Kara doesn’t understand how anyone can _not_ like Lena—she’s nice and lovely and her eyes are greener than the trees around the lake, and her hands are soft when she guides Kara’s own as Lena teaches her how to fold origami that she’s learned from books at home. It’s confusing for Kara, too, to hear about step brothers and real daughters and how they’re different, but she doesn’t ask because Lena grows quiet when she does and all Kara wants is to hear more of her voice.

Lena sneaks out that night and they camp in front of the El cabin again. Kara asks Lena if she believes in aliens and Lena talks about the constellations and the stars; Kara wonders if there are some in Lena’s eyes, too, with how they sparkle as she talks of the Little Bear and Andromeda and things only geniuses like her best friend could talk about.

When it’s time for Kara to leave, she doesn’t make Lena promise to call. Instead, she asks if Lena could keep a notebook of the things that she wants to tell Kara when they meet again and gives the one she made for Lena to the girl.

Lena smiles and hugs her tightly that Kara didn’t want to leave.

 

 

.........

She is nine when she finally meets Lillian. She’s tall, broody, and evil; she finds Lena by the dock with Kara, laughing about some joke the blonde heard from one of her classmates, and she practically rips off the earphone from Lena’s ear and drags her by the arm back to the house. Lena doesn’t cry, only bites her lip and looks at Kara apologetically. The young blonde says sorry to the woman over and over even if she doesn’t exactly know what they did wrong.

Lillian just glares at her, and all of Kara's apologies withers right on her tongue. She doesn't think she’s met anyone who hated the world so much, so Kara tells her parents about it. Her mother looks worried while Zor-El just says it isn’t any of their business. Kara knows that, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be concerned for her best friend.

She waits that afternoon for Lena to come outside to maybe climb trees or race paper boats, but Lena doesn’t. There is only silence from the big house, not even the soft melodies of the piano. Kara wonders if Lena’s mother had anything to do with the mysterious disappearance of the paper plane with Kara’s number on it the summer before.

She doesn’t dwell on it. Instead, Kara spends the night reading through the notebook Lena gave her. Lena had looked so shy when they exchanged notebooks and mumbled about how she didn’t manage to write a lot, but there is a page in her notebook dedicated to Kara’s birthday and Lena’s wishes for her. Kara wishes so badly that she was there when Lena won a spelling bee contest, or when Lena got a sprain from running too fast in school, or when her father came home after far too long and they all went to a waterpark for Lena’s birthday.

She wonders if Lena’s father is kinder than her mother.

Kara doesn’t see Lena, not until three days later and there are purple marks on her arms and knees. She couldn’t sit properly either, and she says Lex played a prank on her and pulled out the chair she was supposed to sit on. She laughs, too, but it isn’t the same laugh like when Kara told the joke three days back, but Kara only nods and asks if Lena could talk about the things she wrote in her notebook.

“Can we talk about yours instead?” Lena asks, opening Kara’s notebook and shuffling to the pages about her friend, Oliver, and the taekwondo classes Zor-El enrolled her in. “Yours are a lot more exciting.”

So Kara does. She even shows off some of the kicks she learned in class, and Lena looks at her proudly.

“You’re so badass,” Lena gushes, the smile on her face looking so much happier now. Kara quite likes it better when she smiles like that.

Kara grins. “Yeah. I can definitely protect you.”

She thinks it’s the wrong thing to say when Lena stares at her, like she’s confused, even _sad,_ but she manages a shaky laugh. “You promise?”

“Promise,” Kara replies in a heartbeat, and they seal it with pinky promises with the apple trees as witness.

 

 

..........

She is ten when her parents give her a phone. It isn’t much, not as cool as the one her classmates have, but she can make calls and texts and _take pictures,_ and she takes so many during the year so she could show Lena everything that has happened in school, at her taekwondo classes, at home.

Come the summer, Lena isn’t allowed much outside, but Kara spends most of her days waiting by the dock and listening to the soft piano playing from inside the big house. She reads while she waits, and that summer she reads the most books.

At night Lena sneaks out and huddles with Kara in the tent in front of the El cabin. They look up at the stars and talk about Lena’s piano lessons and classes, where she remains at the top, and Kara tells her how proud she is of her. Kara shows the pictures she had taken of her year: of her friends, of her birthday party, of Kara wearing her _dobok_  and her blue belt _—_ Lena giggles and asks Kara to repeat the foreign words, and Kara grins and feels something flutter in her chest at the sound of happiness falling from Lena’s lips—and videos of Kara breaking a board with a turning kick and another with a punch for her belt exam.

“Did it hurt?” Lena asks, voice soft and worried, as she takes Kara’s right hand in hers to examine her knuckles. Kara doesn’t remember it hurting, but she keeps to heart the warmth of Lena’s worry and her soft hands on hers as she smiles and shakes her head.

“Nah,” Kara grins, “I’m badass like that.”

Lena laughs, and Kara almost wanted to take a video of her laughter just so she could take a piece of Lena home when they go their separate ways again. Instead, she keeps Lena’s laughter to heart and reiterates her promise to always protect her.

 

 

...........

She is eleven when she gets prescription glasses. Lena doesn’t tease Kara about it, unlike her classmates, instead touches the black frames reverently and whispers how they suit Kara. The blonde tells her they’re fine until she has to play; she shares she is the youngest member of the school soccer team. She tells Lena that she scored the winning point during a particular match. Lena is proud of her, and she sneaks out a cupcake that their nanny had baked to celebrate.

“This is a secret, okay? Mother doesn’t like me sneaking food out,” Lena whispers, and Kara grins and promises she won’t tell anyone.

Lena tells her of other secrets too: how Lex is the favorite child and how she knows she can never be at par with him and how that’s perfectly okay. She tells Kara of the girl in her class who she secretly dislikes because she copies her homework then brags about it to her other classmates, but lets her copy anyway. Kara jokes that maybe she’s a Hufflepuff.

"What's wrong with a Hufflepuff?" Lena rolls her eyes playfully. “I could be a Slytherin and you’d still punch people for me,” she teases. Kara hums in thought.

“Weren’t you the one who said Gryffindors are short-tempered?” She asks.

“You don’t even deny that you’d punch people for me,” Lena giggles.

Kara laughs and leans in to whisper in Lena’s ear. “I’ll tell you a secret,” she says with a long pause, “I’d definitely punch people for you.”

They share a laugh. Lena thanks her, weirdly enough, and thanks her again when she leaves two weeks earlier than usual with a hug and a promise that she’d punch anyone for Kara, too.

 

 

............

She is twelve when Lena is allowed a cellphone. It’s the first thing Lena mentions when they finally see each other, a full week after the Luthors have arrived. She says her father gave it to her personally, and she excitedly shows Kara a lot of photos, glimpses to Lena’s life Kara has never really seen before—photos of Lena’s simple but spacious bedroom, a grand piano in a vast living room, and a home library with a number of books Kara’s only ever seen in her own school.

“Wow. You’re _rich,_ ” Kara jokes. Lena just laughs.

“ _I’m_ not. They are,” she explains. “But this means I can call and text you now!”

She does. They send each other the most random of messages even in the wee hours of the morning.

 _Sometimes I talk to myself,_ Lena texts one time at four in the morning after several minutes of no replies that Kara had assumed the girl had fallen asleep. Kara watches the bubbles that meant Lena is typing until the succeeding messages arrive:

 _Imagining I’m talking to you_   
_But now I can actually tell you everything_  
_And I’m really happy about that_

Kara grins.

_Me too_

 

 

.............

She is thirteen when she loses everything.

One moment, her father is driving the truck, on their way to the cabin for the summer, and the next moment every bone and muscle in Kara’s body aches and burns. She remembers laughing at a joke her mother said, and then—

A crash. Fire and smoke, burning rubber, unfathomable pain.

She’s left with nothing—not even her phone which was destroyed in the crash, not even her words as people who introduce themselves as social workers struggle to get _something_ out of her. She doesn’t know how long she’s been in the hospital, but one time a family comes in to check on her: A blonde woman and a dark-haired man who introduces themselves as the Danvers. They have with them a young girl, probably only several years older than Kara, who they introduce as Alex, but Kara doesn’t talk to them. She falls in and out of sleep, barely processes voices she hears talking about _foster care_ and _adoption_ and _Midvale_ and _poor girl, she’s lost everything._

She remembers it’s summer. She thinks of her mom and dad, how they had laughed before everything vanished in the blink of an eye. She remembers Lena, too; she was so excited about seeing Kara again, had texted her non-stop ever since they parted ways last year, and now she couldn’t even let Lena know that she might not be able to come to the cabin this summer.

She cries, finally, and the nurse comes in to mess with the IV drip stuck in her hand, but she’s thankful because she ends up sleeping again.

When she wakes up, Lena is by her bedside, sitting on a chair and propped up by her arms on the bed, her hand on Kara’s.

“Lena?” Kara whispers, completely sure she’s dreaming.

Lena bolts upright, wide awake, eyes red-rimmed and hair messy, and her lower lip trembles with tears when she looks at Kara—looks at her like _she’s_ dreaming too, and she squeezes Kara’s hand firmly enough that the blonde _knows_ this is real. Lena is right here.

“I was so worried,” Lena cries, and tears trickle down her cheeks. Something aches in Kara, different than the ache she feels in her bones or the emptiness in her chest. “I’m so sorry about what happened, Kara. I really am.”

It’s the first time Kara fully breaks down. She feels tired and empty but she’s glad Lena is here, holding her hand and keeping her whole, and when the nurse comes in to ask if she’s okay and if anything hurts, Kara just shakes her head.

“How did you know?” Kara asks.

Lena shrugs and traces circles on the back of Kara’s hand. It's comforting, despite what happened. “You weren’t replying, which isn’t unlike you. And I couldn’t reach out to you and then Lex, he—” Lena clears her throat, holds back her tears. “Sorry. Lex heard news about an accident just nearby and… I had to know. I made dad drive us here. Mother isn’t happy about it, but I wanted to see you.”

“Thank you,” Kara whispers, taking Lena’s hand and squeezing it. “For being here. I don’t think I… I’m really glad you’re here.”

Lena has to leave that night. She leaves her phone with Kara, and the next morning Kara receives a text from an unknown number:

_I promise I’ll see you soon. x Loony_

It makes things feel a little bit better—she hasn’t lost everything, at least, and she finds a new home with the Danvers of Midvale. Eliza is soft and caring like her mother, and Jeremiah is understanding of the silence Kara could only offer most of the time, and though Alex is stubborn and just as quiet, she doesn’t look at Kara like she is someone to pity. She looks at her like she’s a warrior, a survivor, and Kara appreciates it. She only hears from her uncle Jor-El when she’s out of the hospital, and though they send their well wishes, they tell her they can’t come get her or send her to them.

Kara barely listens. She likes to think she understands; one child is already a handful and another would be another too many, but at least the Danvers don’t seem to mind.

She finds her place in the Danvers’ home. She is enrolled at Midvale middle school and makes a new friend named Querl but insists on being called Brainy, who is as smart as Lena, maybe even smarter. Lena jokes about being jealous when she calls at night, talking about the most random of things—Lena’s never been this talkative, and a part of Kara knows it’s so she doesn’t feel too alone, but she appreciates it, appreciates Lena and her presence and her words, especially when she couldn’t sleep or when she’s awaken by nightmares. It’s like Lena could sense her anxiety, never going too long without a reply, and Kara is grateful. She misses her mom and dad and the summers at the cabin she might never see again, but she’s grateful.

 

 

..............

She is fourteen and it’s been a year since her parents died but Kara likes to think she’s better now. A lot of it has to do with Eliza’s understanding and Jeremiah’s patience. Alex has become polite company who stuck with her on nights when she’d miss her mom and dad. Lena is always a phone call away, but sometimes even the distance proves too much, and on those times she is thankful Alex understands.

Kara joins the Midvale High School soccer team as a freshman and becomes one of their best players. She tells Lena that she’s a bit popular now, and Lena mentions being jealous of people seeing her in action or simply just _seeing_ her, period.

“You should come see me one of these days,” Kara jokes, sticking her tongue out to the camera. Skype is a blessing, she told Lena once.

Lena grins. “I might just. I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Kara sighs.

True to her word, Lena comes to one of her games one day. Kara thinks she’s dreaming until she trips face first and gets a mouthful of grass; when she realizes she definitely isn’t dreaming, she puts her game face back on and scores three for her team.

“Show off,” Lena says as a greeting when the game is over and everyone has congratulated Kara for the winning kick.

“You’re here,” Kara breathes, before pulling Lena into a hug and lifts her off the ground. She hasn’t seen her best friend in person in so long and holding her _still_ feels like a dream that she almost cries, but Lena only teases her about how the star player shouldn’t cry.

When Kara asks _how_ Lena ended up at Midvale, Lena mentions something about her dad and deals and business before telling Kara they should definitely make the most of her visit as she has classes the next day. Kara wants to bring up how that’s too soon, except she doesn’t; instead she shows Lena around, introduces her to Brainy and the Danvers, and Alex looms protectively behind Kara and tells Lena it’s nice to meet her even if she sounds like she doesn’t mean it.

They get dinner at Kara’s favorite diner and ice cream at a shop that is frequented by students from Kara’s school. They recognize Kara, of course, and they ask who Lena is. Kara tells them she’s her best friend and Lena waves at them shyly. It’s Kara’s turn to be bashful when one of the senior girls wave her hello, and Lena asks who _they_ are and Kara could only mutter _some fans, I guess._

“Huh,” Lena says, amused. “Look at you, bagging even the senior girls.”

“Shut up,” Kara says, before dragging a laughing Lena out of the ice cream shop so they could go see the stars before Lena is bound to leave.

“I’ll miss you,” Kara whispers as she hugs Lena, all too ready to leave Midvale. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the cabin next summer anymore.”

“That’s fine,” Lena says with a tight smile. “Mother is sending me to a boarding school anyway.”

Kara purses her lips. “Where?”

“New York,” Lena replies. “She said it’s the best way for me to get into an Ivy League school, so I have to do well. So as not to tarnish the Luthor name and all.”

Kara scoffs and takes Lena’s hands. “You’ll do more than well. But you’ll probably be busy with classes and they might be strict there and all, but don’t forget to call me or something, alright?”

Lena rolls her eyes. “As if I’d ever.”

 

 

...............

Kara is fifteen when she first punches someone for Lena. Or the first time, in general, that she punched someone. Eliza gets called to the principal’s office that afternoon for Kara’s behavior, but Kara doesn’t say anything when she is confronted by the parents of the boy she punched. Kara manages to get out of it, if only for the fact that the boy punched her, too, but she is set to do community service for ten hours.

Eliza tries to coax an explanation from her on their way home.

“Lena Luthor isn’t like her brother,” Kara says grimly. "And she isn't going to randomly—" She chokes on her words and tries to shake away the image of Lena, bombs strapped to her body, screaming that she'd bring everyone to hell with her. Eliza sighs and nods in understanding, tells Kara that no, Lena isn’t like him, but she won’t be pleased either if she learns about what happened to Kara.

“You have a bruise,” is Lena’s greeting that night when they Skype. “What happened?” She asks. Her eyes are puffy and her voice is nasal and it _hurts_ Kara that her first question is about Kara’s own situation.

“You should see the other guy,” Kara manages with a chuckle. Lena only purses her lips. Kara sighs and looks at her through her laptop screen—at least Lena is allowed a laptop in the evenings, but she knew grief couldn’t be relieved by a mere video call. It couldn’t be relieved by _anything,_ as a matter of fact, and company and time only soothes it every once in a while, but Kara knows the ache never really leaves. She sighs again. “I heard about your brother. I’m sorry.”

Lena takes a shuddering breath, looks down on her lap, and shrugs. “It’s fine,” Lena whispers. “People say it’s a long time coming considering he’s been—” She pauses and bites her lip, and Kara knows she’s holding back tears. It hurts that she couldn’t be there for Lena, and all she could do is stare at the pixels on her screen of Lena crying, unable to do anything but silently cry and clench her aching fist if only to physically manifest the storm in her chest.

“I’m sorry I’m not there,” Kara whispers.

Lena shakes her head and smiles through her tears. “You’re the only one who’s ever truly been around. Thanks for bearing with me.”

They keep Skype on even as Lena falls asleep from exhaustion. Kara ices her jaw and her knuckles with an ice pack Alex gave her. Her sister asks her how she is, how Lena is, and apologizes when she says Jeremiah might not allow Kara to fly to New York to see Lena.

“I’m glad she has you, though,” Alex says with a pat of Kara’s back.

“Always,” Kara whispers, glancing back at Lena’s sleeping form on her laptop screen.

 

 

................

She is sixteen and Lena seems to be doing better. Or at least, she thinks; they aren’t able to Skype much, not anymore, because Lena has become busier with school and Kara with her after-school soccer practice. Lena says she’s doing it for the memory of Lex and for her dad, who seems to have put every expectation on Lena—and Kara respects that, really, but she misses Lena most days.

“I miss you too,” Lena admits with a tired sigh. She’s studying, her hair up in a bun and reading glasses perched on her nose—she got them two months back, and Kara remembers chastising her about using proper lighting when reading. “I’ve asked dad about a summer vacation at Midvale and he seems to be fine with it, but you know Lillian.”

Kara puffs her cheeks with air and pauses from answering her homework. “Why is your mom such a bitch?” She asks, quite seriously. Lena laughs and shakes her head.

“I don’t know,” Lena mutters. “I’m just glad it didn’t rub off on me.”

They manage, anyway; Lena still tells her everything all the time, sends photos of math problems that confuse Kara even if she’s a year older than Lena, greets her happy birthday as soon as the clock strikes midnight over at Midvale, and introduces her to an app that allows them to listen to the same song at the same time. Kara remembers the old summer days on the dock, their feet in the water and their heads in the clouds, singing along to The Corrs and N’SYNC and Queen.

New York is two hours ahead of Midvale but they are under the same night sky, and though Lena can’t quite lie on the grass the same way Kara does over at Midvale, they see the same stars and tell each other of their days like two hours and two thousand miles are nothing.

 

 

.................

She is seventeen. It’s summer and she hates the weather, hates her annoying teammates, hates _everything_. She hasn’t talked to Lena in a while—something about being busy with summer camp, and though she leaves messages here and there, Kara just _misses_ Lena. She had half the mind to beg Jeremiah to let her go to New York in exchange of slashing her allowance in half and an indefinite amount of days of Kara doing household chores by herself, but she’s yet to draft an actual agreement she could bring up to him.

The agreement is what she is  thinking about when she comes home from soccer practice, freshly-showered. She thinks of maybe just taking several buses so it doesn’t cost as much compared to airfare, considers just winging it and hitchhiking across the country, and she drops her duffel bag on the living room floor when she finds Lena Luthor drinking tea with Eliza.

“There she is,” Eliza says with a smile, but Kara only sees Lena. She practically skips over the couch and trips over the coffee table in her haste to hug Lena, and the raven-haired girl squeaks at the intensity of the embrace she is greeted with.

“God, I missed you,” Kara cries. Lena sighs, like all the weight on her shoulders had vanished at those words.

“Me too, Kar,” Lena grins. “S’why I’m here.”

Lena spends her entire summer vacation at Midvale. Kara shows her around—they go through all the diners and restaurants in town to try all of Kara’s favorite spots. They go swimming at the town sports complex and play at the arcade with Alex, who seems to bring out Lena’s competitive side. Eliza adores her; Lena is a genius after all and it takes two seconds of being with a bio-engineer for her brilliant mind to show itself.

Lena wakes up early in the morning to come to Kara’s soccer practice. Several movies and TV shows and unhealthy snacks are consumed and time becomes irrelevant; nights blur into days as they spend the summer catching up all the hours they spent apart, and they would fall asleep at five in the morning nestled in each other’s arms, safe in the blanket forts they never managed to build when they were younger.

It’s two days before Lena is supposed to leave that she tells Kara she’s been accepted to MIT for an engineering degree with a minor in business. Kara congratulates her with a tight hug and a long-winding speech about how she deserved it, about how she’s brilliant, and Lena’s never looked so bashful.

“It’s still a long way from where you are,” Lena whispers, “but it’s just a while and I’ll still try to visit you.”

Kara grins. “I could try getting into MIT so we’re in the same university,” she teases, and Lena throws a pillow right on her face.

The awful memories of that one summer never really leave; Kara still thinks of her mom and dad and burning metal and rubber and some nights she wakes up to nightmares of them, her subconscious reminding her of reality in the midst of all her happiness, but Lena is there to hold her until the darkness fades and all is left is warmth in her bones.

When Lena leaves, she leaves behind a recording of a song that guides Kara past the storm—

 _Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_ _  
_ _Just let me hold you so we both fall down_

 

 

..................

She is eighteen and she is the farthest she’s ever been from Lena and it _sucks_ . She has since moved to California to study Communication at National City University and share Alex’s apartment as she trains with the FBI as a field agent. Kara and Lena are on the opposite  sides of the country, and though they’re pretty much caught up in each other’s lives, it just really, _really sucks._

 _You miss me too much,_ Lena teases her one weekend, but it isn’t like she could deny it.

 _Bitch_ _  
_ _Pfft as if you don’t miss me D:_

Lena doesn’t reply for half an hour. Kara thinks to be worried, but there is a knock on her door and when she opens it, it’s delivery for pizza of Kara’s favorite flavors—all meat and Hawaiian that Lena _absolutely despised._ Scrawled on top of the box is _fine, I miss you too,_ and the delivery guy grins happily and apologizes for his handwriting.

“She says you should accept her invite,” he says, then he’s gone, and when Kara returns to her laptop, there is a notification that reads _Loony Lovegood invited you to watch Friends!_

 **Loony Lovegood:**  must it always take you forever to accept my invites  
**Kermione Danger:** you filthy rich bitch  
**Kermione Danger:** had half the mind to think you were the one on the other side of the door  
**Loony Lovegood:** not that rich yet  
**Loony Lovegood:** but soon  
**Loony Lovegood:** wait, did you watch ahead????  
**Kermione Danger:** nope i misclicked last time  
**Kermione Danger:** is that a word?  
**Loony Lovegood:** it’s not  
**Loony Lovegood:** you dumbass  
**Kermione Danger:** bitch  
**Kermione Danger:** why are we friends  
**Loony Lovegood:** i mean you’re welcome for the pizza

Classes go as well as such things could go. Kara is on the soccer team for her scholarship, and sometimes she would ask her teammates to take videos of her to show Lena. In turn, Lena would send her snaps of _confidential_ projects she is given the chance to work on despite being a freshman, and Kara is both proud and _thrilled_ at being part of such secrets. They talk about their classes at certain hours of each night to give way for study groups, though most nights they would work quietly on their desks while they’re on Skype—they’d throw questions here and there to each other, practice presentations, and listen to their songs together, and all the hours and miles between them vanish until reality reels them back in.

She sends Lena a cake and an MIT a capella group to sing for her on her birthday, and though Lena tells her over and over that following week that she should have just sent someone to stab her between the eyes, the raven-haired girl promises to one-up Kara come next year.

 

 

...................

She turns nineteen on a Saturday, and it’s late afternoon when she receives a postcard that only contained coordinates, signed with a looping L that makes her heartbeat flutter. She sends Lena a photo of it but her best friend doesn’t reply, so Kara does the next best thing: She tells Alex she’ll go out for a few hours and goes to the location indicated by the postcard. She expects to find Lena there, but what she arrives to is a fruit stand that sells the reddest of apples. When she asks the attendant if they saw Lena around, the old man only smiles and hands her a basket of fruits. Nestled on them are origami roses and another postcard.

 _Hey apple of my eye, I apple-ogize for the inconvenience but I hope you’d apple-y join me for tonight,_ the card reads, signed with a looping L, and Kara barely manages to hold back a laugh. She flips the card and finds _Little Bear awaits_ written under a string of numbers and letters—a license plate, she realizes, and Kara looks around dumbly until she finds a sleek black car across the street with the exact same one.

 _If this is a kidnapping plot please do know I hate you now,_ she texts Lena, before she goes to knock on the driver’s window. The driver doesn’t even roll down the window but the car door opens; Kara climbs in and grins when she finds a black bear plushie waiting for her on the backseat. Embroidered across it are the seven stars that make up the constellation, and tucked neatly on its arms is another postcard.

 _If this was a kidnapping plot WHY WOULD YOU GET IN THE CAR?,_ it reads. Kara rolls her eyes and flips the card. _Don’t roll your eyes at me. See you soon._  

Kara laughs and lets the car drive her to wherever Lena had wanted her to go. They drive out of the city. Kara watches as the trees start to line the side of the road, and the car rolls to a stop in front of a barely lit, abandoned-looking house. It’s almost dark, and when the car door unlocks, Kara eyes it warily before stepping out, senses on high alert—at least until lights come on and everyone Kara knows greet her with an excited yell of _happy birthday Kara!_

The birthday girl laughs and runs out of the car to hug Eliza and Jeremiah, dressed up in Hogwarts robes, and Alex runs to her to hug her, too, before throwing a Gryffindor tie and robe her way. Her friends from the soccer team and her classes are there, too, dressed in their respective House robes, and Kara thanks them even as she not-so-subtly looks around to find Lena.

“Where’s Lena?” She finally asks Alex, who chugs down a tall mug of butterbeer she _swears_ doesn't have too much alcohol. Everyone is busy with dinner now but Kara still hasn’t seen the one person she had been looking forward to see. Alex just shrugs, whispers _look out,_ then ducks out of sight. Kara watches her in confusion; she doesn’t really understand what’s happening until she turns around and finds Lena, wearing black and green robes and a green tie on her collar, leaning against the car Kara arrived in.

The blonde gasps. “Since when were you Slytherin!”

Lena looks down at her outfit, shrugs, and smirks at Kara. “Nah. Just wanted to _slytherin_ to your party.”

“Your puns are terrible,” Kara says with a shake of her head, but she runs to Lena to greet her with a hug that showed just how much she missed her best friend.

“Yes, but you love me anyway,” Lena laughs.

Kara laughs, too. She does, indeed.

 

 

....................

She is twenty when Lena introduces her to her boyfriend.

She had been excited to Skype with Lena that weekend; practice was _hell_ and Lena seemed to be looking forward to their call, too, and Kara thought it’s one of Lena’s usual _I fucked up royally in the lab but I fixed it_ moments _,_ at least until they’re in the middle of the call and Lena mentions introducing Kara to someone.

“You remember Jack?” Lena says, sliding her laptop aside to show the guy Lena had mentioned several times in the past few months.

“Yeah!” Kara replies with a grin and a wave. Jack says hello. “What’s up?”

“Well,” Lena says, biting her lip. “We’re dating.”

And Kara is happy for Lena, she really is, but she feels something foreign in her chest and tastes something bitter on her tongue that she doesn’t tell Lena about, especially when Lena looks so proud and happy of Jack and their on-going research to cure cancer.

“You’re still the apple of my eye, Kara,” Lena teases, and Kara laughs but she is content with it. Nothing has changed between them, after all—she still keeps Lena’s secrets and Lena keeps hers. Jack is a nice guy, too; charming, brilliant, and when Kara asked him if he’d punch anyone for Lena, he said yes without second thought.

She gives Jack the shovel talk, anyway—makes him promise not to hurt Lena or Kara would walk the three thousand miles between them so she could punch Jack herself if she had to. They laugh about it, of course, but he promises to take care of Lena the way Kara would and well, Kara is pleased with that.

Things begin to change, but not so much that it jars Kara: Lena starts to take her time in her replies, which is fine, because Kara knows she has a life and Kara has her own, but Lena is there when it counts. Lena still spends most her nights with Kara, even if it’s just through video calls, and she’s the one Lena tells first about possibly graduating a semester sooner.

She remembers bottling up the memory of Lena’s laughter, many summers back, and though Kara finds herself thinking about how easy happiness feels with Lena every time she meets someone new, she has to consciously remind herself that she isn’t Lena’s world.

 

.....................

She is twenty-one when a law student named Lucy asks her out, right in the library while Kara is in the middle of her Media Law readings. Kara blinks several times and echoes the woman’s question twice in her surprise, and Lucy adorably apologizes for assuming.

“You can say no, I just thought—” She laughs, shakes her head, and bites her lip. She is shorter than Lena and her smile isn’t as bright but her hair is darker and she looks at Kara like Lena used to, with wonder that comes with someone who doesn’t know her like the back of her own hand. “Well, I wanted to take the chance.”

Kara says yes.

She tells Lena about the date and her best friend only breathes out a sigh of wonder and surprise before she helps Kara pick clothes. Lucy kisses her that night and Kara tells Lena about it, too, albeit shyly.

“Did you sleep together?” Lena asks.

Kara sputters, blushes, and hides her face before muttering a negative. Lena giggles. “I don’t need the dirty details,” she says, “I’m just asking.”

“Have _you_ slept with Jack?” Kara shoots back, and Lena’s answering smirk makes heat rise up Kara’s cheeks.

It’s shame, she tells herself, before changing topics.

Lena graduates with flying colors and she tells Kara that she’ll be back in Metropolis to work for L-Corp. She isn’t even able to attend her graduation with everyone far too thrilled to have her on-board. Something her father has always wanted for her, Kara knows, but she’s still thousands of miles away.

“Lucy’ll keep you company,” Lena teases, though there is less laughter in her voice. Two weeks into Lena’s new job at L-Corp, she calls Kara to tell her she broke up with Jack because of the distance—he’s brilliant and charming and everything Lena could ask for but it just isn’t the same with him away, and Lena drunkenly asks how she and Kara make it work.

“Because you’re my best friend,” is all Kara says. Lena asks if they could Skype, and Kara is greeted with a sight of Lena in her glasses and her messy bun and several stacks of documents on her desk. “Busy, huh?” She teases.

Lena chuckles tiredly, but she sounds happy. Or at least, _not sad_. “Will you sing to me?” She asks.

Two days later, Kara breaks up with Lucy. She doesn’t tell Lena, not until three months have passed. Lena doesn’t ask why she didn’t tell her sooner. Instead, Kara receives a delivery of pizza and ice cream and an invite to watch _The Notebook_ thirty minutes after she told Lena of the news.

They watch Nicholas Sparks films together as they eat ice cream until dawn breaks. Kara apologizes but Lena dismisses it.

“What are friends for?”

 

 

......................

She is twenty-two when she graduates. Eliza and Jeremiah fly in from Midvale and Alex takes a day off and actually wears something that doesn’t involve a leather jacket. Lena doesn’t make it; she’s busy with work, Kara understands, but that doesn’t mean Lena misses the whole thing—Kara’s phone is with her the whole time, taking snaps that Lena would see once she checks her phone. The Danvers arrive that night to Kara’s and Alex’s apartment overflowing with flowers, and on the coffee table is a large box. Kara excitedly opens it to find another box, then another, then another, until all that’s left is a paper plane that she unfolds.

 _Surprise,_ it reads, and Kara whirls around to find Lena standing in the middle of the living room, bags under her eyes and exhaustion on her shoulders but there is a smile on her lips that could rival the sun itself.

“Congratulations, Kar. I was so sure you’d take three more years,” Lena says, and Kara replies with a hug and a muttered _you bitch._

She sends exactly fifty-two applications to forty-eight different companies. She gets eleven phone calls, three interviews, and zero updates at the end of three frustrating months. Lena offers her a job at L-Corp, but Kara shrugs it off and says she’ll manage to find one herself.

“I know you can,” Lena says softly. “But the offer’s there if you—”

“I said I can handle it,” Kara snaps. “We don’t all have your connections, Lena,” she adds with a listless laugh. Lena pauses and nods stiffly, and by the time Kara could bring herself to apologize, Lena ends the call with an excuse of finishing work.

She tries to call her three more times that night, leaves four voice messages littered with tired apologies, and it’s two in the morning when Lena calls back with forgiveness and an apology as well.

“I hate seeing you like this,” Lena whispers.

“I’m sorry. It’s just frustrating,” Kara sighs. “And I’m really sorry I snapped.”

“That’s fine,” Lena says. A long stretch of silence grows between them until Kara sniffles.

“I don’t want to lose you,” Kara whispers. “Especially because of some dumb thing I said.”

“You can’t even if you tried,” Lena promises. “You’re my best friend, remember?”

“Yeah,” Kara sighs. “Yeah.”

 

 

.......................

She is twenty-three when she manages to land a job as Cat Grant’s assistant. When Lena asks why she took the job, she explains that one, it pays; two, Cat Grant isn’t as bad as they make it sound on tabloids; and three, she’s a great mentor and this job is a fantastic opportunity to learn the ins and outs of a media company.

Kara finds love in reporting. Or at least, with whatever aspect of it she’s allowed to experience as Cat’s assistant. There’s something exciting about chasing the truth and putting it out there, and when she tells Lena about it, her best friend grins so proudly and wishes her the best. She grows busy and Lena does, too, what with making her way up the corporate ladder—Kara is proud of her as well, and she hopes the Luthors are, too, because all Lena ever wanted is to be worthy of the last name she had been given.

An officemate, Winn, confesses his love for Kara. She politely thanks him and awkwardly explains that she isn’t looking for a relationship, but when she tells Lena about it she says that she is focused on her career.

“Love can wait,” Lena says. Kara chuckles; she agrees, in a way, but a part of her wonders how patient love can be and how it would arrive, should it ever. Will there be fireworks? A crash? Or is it a quiet knock on her doorstep?

That weekend, Lena sends Kara a bottle of wine and a box of pizza that they share on Skype over seven episodes of _Friends,_ and Kara distantly thinks that maybe, love has been with her all this time.

She doesn’t dwell on it.

 

 

........................

She  is twenty-four when Cat Grant asks her what she wants to do with her life. All Kara could do is blink and stammer her question back to her.

“What you want to do in life, Kiera,” Cat drawls, looking at Kara like she wants to claw her eyes out. “You can’t very well be my assistant forever.”

Kara clasps her hands in front of her and manages the words. “I want to be a reporter.”

Cat smiles proudly then, before throwing a folder towards Kara. “Good. Your first assignment.”

Kara realizes it’s a fresh new hell than just grabbing Cat’s perfectly brewed coffee or her cheeseburger salads, but it’s exhilarating to be part of the action even if the editor she is assigned to seems to be completely made up of rage.

“Who names their child Snapper anyway,” Lena notes distractedly during a Skype call one night, while Kara writes an article to make it to her deadline in half an hour.

“I mean, I learn a lot from him as long as he doesn’t, you know,” Kara grumbles. “Yell at me.”

Lena pauses from her work, looks at Kara through the camera, and asks Kara seriously: “Should I punch him?”

Kara laughs and glares at her playfully. “That would require you to be here, you dumbass.”

Lena only shrugs. They grow quiet save for the clacking of their keyboards, and when Kara finishes her article Lena asks her what her plans were for the summer.

“I don’t think we’re allowed summer vacations,” Kara replies, but hope latches in her heart. Lena sighs.

“I miss the cabin,” she admits softly. “I was wondering when we could run away sometime.”

Kara smiles at her. “Soon, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

 

 

.........................

She is twenty-five when Alex moves out of their place and in with Maggie, a detective with a charming smile and a killer right hook. Alex visits whenever she can, but Kara understands that people go on with their lives.

It’s further proven when Lena casually mentions being named L-Corp’s new CEO.

“You’re kidding,” Kara gasps, dropping her pen on her desk. It rolls to the floor but she ignores it as she waits for Lena’s confirmation. The raven-haired woman shrugs.

“I wish I was,” Lena murmurs.

Kara congratulates her and sends her flowers. Lena says she is worried, about being too young for such a position, but Kara assures her that she deserves it and she’s brilliant and she’ll lead L-Corp to greater places. Lena thanks her, then asks Kara how her reporting is going. She tells Lena everything she’s learned so far, the stories she managed to work on and pitch to the editorial staff.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” Lena says, meaning every word.

It’s officially announced across every newspaper, channel, and website that L-Corp is welcoming a new CEO. She watches proudly from her cubicle at CatCo as her best friend speaks in front of hundreds of cameras.

“I hope to lead L-Corp to greater places,” Lena says, and Kara couldn’t help but grin as she listens to everyone’s thunderous applause.

“That’s my best friend,” she tells Winn, and the man only blinks at her before laughing.

“You’re shitting me,” Winn says.

“Do I look like I am?” Kara quips.

Winn gapes. “Wow. That’s amazing. She’s brilliant,” he gushes. “I swear. I’ve read some of her papers and her company’s going to be off doing miracles soon enough.”

And Kara thinks so too; Lena’s a genius, and with a company under her wing she just _knows_ they are off to excellency. What she just doesn’t realize—sooner, anyway—is how much it takes to run said excellent company.   

“So, about that trip to the cabin?” Kara brings up one day.

Lena sighs tiredly, rubs her palms across her face, and sighs again. “Maybe soon?” She offers. “I’m sorry, I just- there’s so many things, and I—”

“Hey, hey,” Kara coos, “it’s fine. I totally get it.” She gives Lena a smile before she ends the video call, not wanting to be a distraction.

Work takes much of  Lena’s time. Kara understands; she dives headfirst into work, too, starts to make her way up to senior reporter in a span of a year. Her nightly calls with Lena become weekly calls, especially when Lena is off to different cities to close deals and meet people. All part of running a multi-billion company, Kara thinks, but on rare days when she manages to get a hold of Lena, she sounds so exhausted that Kara wants to fly over to wherever she is so she could hold her in her arms and tell her to slow down.

“I can’t,” Lena sighs. “We’ve set goals for the year and- and—” She shakes her head. “I’ll make it up to you, okay? I promise.”

The weekly calls become rarer, until they trickle into emails and texts here and there. Kara understands. She works hard, too, to be something Lena is proud of.

Alex asks her, one day, how Lena is. All Kara could say is that she’s busy changing the world.

“I miss her, Alex,” she admits with a sigh, and Alex pauses from her long gulp of the beer she is nursing.

“I bet,” her sister says. “You look at that woman like she put the stars in the sky, do you know that?”

“Because she did,” Kara answers. At Alex’s raised eyebrow, Kara shrugs. “She told me their names and their stories when we were younger.”

Alex only hums. It carries weight, something Kara ignores, and she focuses instead on work. She meets more people—James, a photographer and a guy too nice for Kara, tall and broad-shouldered so unlike Lena’s softness; Siobhan, Cat’s new assistant, soft like Lena but a bitch in the office and submissive in bed, loud either way, and Kara thanks Maggie for asking Alex move in with her; Adam, kind like Lena, perhaps too charming, and worried too much; Imra, who had dark hair like Lena and is much shorter, who knows what she wants and works for it, which is probably how she had Kara in bed within two hours of meeting her.

It doesn’t take long for Kara to realize who she keeps comparing with everyone she meets, but she dismisses it as thoughts driven by how much she misses Lena.

“I miss you too,” Lena says when she finally calls. Her voice is soft, tired, but _sincere,_ and although Kara skips certain parts of her stories about James and Adam and Siobhan and Imra, she tells Lena that she’s still her best friend and she would always be there for her.

_Always._

“Pinky promise?” Lena asks, sounding so small.

“Pinky promise,” Kara replies.

“Will you sing for me?” The raven-haired woman requests. Kara smiles, closes her eyes, and imagines the summers from way back when. _I will runaway with you_ echoes in her mind, but she stops herself from even thinking of _that_ song and sings another instead—

 _Just let me hold you while you're falling apart_ _  
_ _Just let me hold you so we both fall down_

 

 

..........................

She is twenty-six, two-months fresh of being promoted to senior reporter status. Her skills still need work but she’s better than she was when she started. She strides out of Snapper’s room along with the rest of the scurrying reporters in her beat and heads to her cubicle, eyes scanning the notes she had taken down during the meeting. She could get two sources down if she leaves now, so she hurries—except there is a person in her way.

“Excuse me,” she mutters, but the person doesn’t move. Kara finally looks up. The person turns around, and Kara drops her notebook and her pen when she realizes who it is.

“Lena.”

“Hi,” Lena says, sounding _nervous._ “I was told you were in a meeting.”

“What are you- oh my god,” the blonde exclaims, _cries,_ and she pulls Lena in a tight hug that has the CEO gasping for breath. “Oh my god, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too,” Lena whispers against her neck. “I told I’ll make it up to you, didn’t I? I’m just sorry it took so long.”

Kara pulls back, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Lena shrugs and bites her lip. “Well. L-Corp is launching its new headquarters at National City?” She says, more a question than a statement.

It takes a moment for Kara to understand what she means, and when she finally does, she could only blink and parrot what Lena said.

“Yes,” Lena confirms with an amused smile. “And I know it’s conflict of interest for me to break news to a reporter when we’re yet to announce it but I’m telling you this not as CEO, but as… You know.”

As her best friend. Kara beams and hugs Lena again, and when Snapper yells for her, she excuses herself and runs to go to her sources, but not before Lena could ask her for a catch-up dinner.

“Please,” Lena adds, as if she ever needs to say another word for Kara to agree.

Dinner is like old times—they get pizza and Chinese food delivered at Lena’s place, a classy penthouse unit in the heart of National City, and they watch Disney movies until the sun filters through the expensive blinds in Lena’s place and Kara wakes up with Lena nestled contently in her arms, familiar warmth Kara hasn’t felt in so long but all at once felt like _home._

Kara introduces Lena to Winn, who turns out to be Lena’s biggest fan—aside from Kara herself, anyway—and almost passes out when Lena shakes his hand. Cat Grant herself notices Lena’s presence, and when she invites her into her office, Kara almost regrets bringing her over again.

“Heard through the grapevine that L-Corp will be housing itself in the newest building here in National City,” Cat begins. Kara blinks. _That_ building, if what Cat says is true, has only begun construction in the past year. She eyes Lena curiously. “Any chance one of our reporters could bag an exclusive?” Cat asks.

Lena smiles, meets Kara’s gaze, then turns to Cat. “If you could pitch me a good story, that can be arranged.”

“Oh, I’m sure Kara can handle that,” Cat says, then she sends off the two of them for an interview Kara isn’t entirely prepared for.

“You never told me,” Kara says, much later when they find themselves in a coffee shop the reporter frequented when she is chasing deadlines.

Lena smiles over her cup of coffee—she drinks it black now, so unlike her fondness for sweet tea before. There is regret in her eyes, and an apology Kara doesn’t see the need for falls from blood red lips. “I didn’t want to give you false hope or anything like that,” Lena whispers. “I had to make sure that I- that we could—” She clears her throat and shrugs. “And well, here I am.”

Kara blinks in disbelief. “For how long?”

Lena laughs lightly. “Our financial analysts foresee an opportunity for double the revenue in the next two years, which will triple in five. So… For a while.” She smiles and worries her lip. “I was hoping you could show me around your city,” she says, and warmth blooms in Kara’s chest, like flowers long craving for the summer sun. She reaches out over the table and places her hand over Lena’s.

“We have time,” she whispers, then smirks. “For now I have to work on the article you practically requested.”

Lena laughs again, and Kara realizes she doesn’t have to bottle up the beautiful sound this time around, because Lena isn’t leaving anytime soon.

 

 

...........................

She is twenty-seven and she has never been so close to and with Lena. She is less busy now—she explains it’s because she doesn’t have to prove herself to anyone else at this point, after practically tripling the company’s revenue in the year and a half that she begun as CEO.

She says it wistfully, and Kara wonders if she’s thinking of the months she has spent away, beyond just the distance.  

Brunches become a regular thing. Jess, Lena’s secretary, lets her prance into the CEO’s office with her box of donuts or pizza or paper bag of potstickers anytime, and Cat’s practically best friends with Lena now, what with her regular visits and bottles of whiskey that Lena promises aren’t bribes of any sort. Weekends are spent together at either their places, and sometimes Alex and Maggie come visit to take advantage of the well-supplied alcohol cabinet that the CEO _loves_ restocking. There are visits to museums and cafes even Kara didn’t know existed, and Lena finds solace from the pace of her work on CatCo’s rooftop; Kara brings her there one time to watch the stars, and asks her to tell her again of their stories.

“I was _terrified_ when I got here in National City,” Lena admits one night under the stars, “that I’d worked so hard to be in the same place with you only to have lost you in the process.”

“I’m glad you’re here though,” Kara whispers. “I’ve missed you for a while.”  

And at twenty-seven, Kara believes she has lived a full life—a couple of awards on her belt, a bridesmaid to Alex and Maggie’s wedding, a foster parent to an overly-energetic dog, and a best friend to the best person she has ever known—but she questions if she’s actually ready to die when a bullet hits her square on the chest and Lena threatens to bring her back to life and personally kill her if she dies.

“Don’t die on me, you dumb bitch,” Lena cries as she puts pressure on Kara’s bullet wound. “Couldn’t you have just stayed put?”

Kara laughs wetly and puts her hand over Lena’s on her chest, bright red with her blood. “Yeah, and give _that_ satisfaction to whichever prick wants to take you out?” She coughs. “Not a chance, Loony.”

“I’m going to kill you,” Lena whimpers, and Kara thinks that no, she definitely isn’t ready to die. Not when she only started living again.

Darkness claims her.

She wakes up to dim light and the smell of bleach. She feels like she’s been hit by a truck, and when she blinks her eyes open, she realizes she’s on a hospital bed. To her right is Lena, sitting on a chair and propped up by her arms on the bed, her hand on Kara’s.

“Lena?” Kara whispers. Her throat itches.

Lena bolts upright, wide awake, eyes red-rimmed and hair messy, and Kara is taken to many years back when she’s lost everything—except this time, it’s Lena who seems to be in that situation. Her lower lip trembles with tears when she looks at Kara.

“You fucking dumb piece of shit,” Lena hisses, but she starts crying again. She looks so young and exhausted, and Kara’s chest aches in an altogether different way. Lena wipes away her tears with the back of her hands and Kara’s features contort with guilt. “I could’ve lost you.”

Kara manages a smile. She reaches out for Lena’s hand and squeezes it. “Nah,” she whispers. “You really think you can get rid of me that easily?”

Lena doesn’t even crack a smile. Kara frowns, and she pulls Lena closer just enough for her to wipe her tears away. “Hey. I’m sorry for making you worry—”

“It’s not that,” Lena sighs. She bites her lip and meets Kara’s gaze, her eyes puffy with tears. “Why did you do that?”

The blonde furrows her eyebrows. “Do what?” She asks, then chuckles. “Take a bullet for you?” When Lena doesn’t react, Kara only shrugs. “I promised to always protect you, didn’t I?”

Lena only cries again. She doesn’t say anything else, just holds Kara’s hand until Alex arrives with Eliza and Jeremiah in tow. When it’s just the two of them left and Lena makes Kara sit up to eat dinner, she grumbles.

“Real talk though?” Kara teases, pressing her hand against her aching shoulder. “I’d take a punch over a bullet for you anytime.”

“I’ll punch you myself,” Lena mumbles. Kara laughs until her best friend finally manages a smile, and the blonde thinks there’s still so much to live for.

Lena never leaves her side in the full week Kara is made to stay in the hospital. It’s not like Lena could ever leave, anyway; she has set up home in Kara’s heart, whether she knew it or not, and though Kara only realizes it now, the weight of it is heavy on her mind.

“Are you okay?” Lena asks, one time when she is deep in thought.

Kara looks at her: Dark hair, worried green eyes, and a warmth that never really tempered since they were young. A new sense of awareness settles on Kara, and she unconsciously reaches out for Lena’s hand.

When you’ve loved a person all your life and you realize, at one point, that you want to love them for the rest of it, what do you do?

“I’ve never been better,” Kara says, and Lena smiles at her like she understands.

 

 

............................

She is twenty-eight that summer when Lena asks her to go to the cabin with her. “It’s a long time coming,” she explains, and Kara doesn’t think twice before agreeing.

Lena offers to drive them there. They listen to The Corrs, fitting of their trip down memory lane, and the lyrics of that certain song bear more weight now with the feelings Kara has become aware of in the past months. She doesn’t fully acknowledge them but she knows they are there—no longer the racing heartbeat or the sweaty palms of a girl with a happy crush, not after all these years of knowing Lena, but rather the comfort of someone in the company of the one she trusts the most. There is the constant contentment in the knowledge that she has Lena, whatever happens, and the heartbreak at the mere thought of losing her. She remembers the distant feeling of jealousy over certain things, namely Jack.

And she could be wrong in labeling these as certain things, which is why it’s easier to _ignore_ them. Kara tries to keep everything normal, because she doesn’t want Lena to worry about these kinds of _things,_ especially when she looks so happy to just be in Kara’s company. It doesn’t stop said feelings from burrowing further in Kara’s chest, finding home in the blonde’s all-too-earnest heart.

“Remember the first time we saw each other?” Lena says, much later when they are too full from pizza and potstickers and god, all that ice cream, with a soft laugh as she leans her head on Kara’s shoulder. Their feet rest in cold lakewater but Lena is warm against her. “You were racing paper boats.”

“ _You_ ran away and I never saw you until the next summer,” Kara shoots back. “Everyone I told about you said you were a ghost.”

Lena sighs. “It seems like a long time ago, doesn’t it?”

The blonde chuckles. “It’s… Been a while,” she murmurs. Silence stretches between them and the sun sinks in the horizon, coloring the sky a dull orange that set everything on fire. Lena’s hair is more auburn in this light, her skin warmer against hers, and a part of Kara aches.

How do you tell a person you’ve loved all your life that you’ve grown to love them in ways you never expected to?

“Can I tell you something?” Lena says after a while. She pulls back and meets Kara’s gaze. Her green eyes are much darker in this light and the blonde remembers her stories about the stars. Lena worries her lip between her teeth.

Kara quirks her lips. “You know you can tell me everything, right?”

The raven-haired woman sighs. “I’ve only ever looked forward to things that involved you,” she begins. “And I know that _that_ isn’t a way to live, being too dependent on a person, but that’s how I managed to get through every day. At the thought of you. I don’t find shame in that. I’ve been better for and because of you.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. Her hands fidget on her lap and Kara fights the urge to reach out and calm her down, instead tries to focus on Lena as her own heart hangs on the woman’s every word. “And last year, when you—”

She pauses again. Kara finally reaches out, takes Lena’s trembling hands in hers, and smiles. Lena’s eyes water with tears. “I’ve known you for so long, Kara,” she whispers, and the sun sinks in the horizon and the trees and the lake still and the wind itself pauses to listen, listen, listen, as Lena speaks the words Kara didn’t know she had waited for since she was six, sitting on this very dock, knees stinging from falling but heart full from the best summer she’s ever had. “I think I’ve loved you for longer.”

Kara doesn’t say anything. Instead, she leans in to kiss Lena, tastes ice cream and the sun on her lips, and seals the moment with the promise of many more summers together.

 

 

.............................

She is twenty-nine and content with everything she has in her life. It’s Saturday and she wakes up to Lena Luthor in her bed, naked under the sheets, and Kara aches in the best of ways. She kisses Lena’s shoulder, rolls out of bed, and proceeds to make breakfast, and Lena wakes up later to their song playing on the vintage turntable they bought together in Cambridge.

Kara serves her breakfast, black coffee, a hushed proclamation of love, and a ring.

“I think we’ve both waited long enough,” Kara chuckles. “You’ve been with me all my life, Lena, and if you’d let me, I’d like you to be for the rest.”

Lena kisses her yes.

 

..............................

She is thirty and eight months married to Lena when they adopt three dogs. Not that they meant to adopt such a number in one go; it’s just that Kara finds a box of abandoned puppies in an alley after an interview with a source, and Kara couldn’t very well leave them crying, right?

When she comes home to her shared apartment with Lena, her wife looks at her, at the box in her arms, before sighing and looking back to where Krypto is sleeping on the couch. 

"When are we shopping for them, then?" is all Lena asks, and Kara kisses her in a way that makes Lena's knees weak.

They shy away from media’s attention—which is easier said than done considering they’re both well-known women from their respective fields, but they get the privacy they need most times.

She is thirty and eleven months married to Lena when they decide to have a child. She is thirty-one when Lena gives birth to Luna Danvers-Luthor, and thirty-two when they visit the old cabin that is their childhood to introduce their daughter the summers they grew up with.

Kara never stops thinking about the girl with dark hair. She spends all her summers with her, and the forest and the lake and cabin they grew up with grow old with them.

 

 

 

 

.....

She is five years old when she first meets her.

The girl from the cabin next door is loud and far too playful for Lori’s taste, but she’s the only kid in the cabin resort her family goes to every summer. At least the kid is nice and she shares her toys, unlike some of the kids in school. She runs back to the cabin when her mom calls for her for lunch and waves at her new friend with a promise to see her in the afternoon.

Her Gammy Kara waits for her by the porch. She smiles and kisses the top of Lori’s head when she notices her muddy shoes.

“Did you make a friend, sweetie?” Gammy Kara asks. The young blonde nods and points to the small cabin next to theirs.

“Her name’s Marcy. I think,” the girl mumbles. “Can I go play with her again later?”

Gammy Kara nods. “But first, lunch, okay? Come on. Gamma Lena and your mommies are waiting.”

Lori grins. She looks out the window to find Marcy running back to their cabin as well.

“You know, I was your age when I met your Gamma,” Gammy Kara chuckles. “It only seems like yesterday when we were running around like you did, right on that very dock.”

Lori giggles and scrunches her nose. “Am I gon’ be married to Marcy too, Gammy?”

Gammy Kara pats her head and laughs. “Maybe, sweetie, but it might take a while. It’ll be worth it though.”

 

 

..  
_o kay tagal din kitang minahal_  
_o kay tagal din kitang mamahalin_

(i’ve loved you for a long time  
i will love you for longer)

burnout, sugarfree

**Author's Note:**

> This is a long-overdue fill for a prompt that calls for childhood best friends but I don't really know what happened so it became more of a word vomit kinda thing which is entirely too vague and weird and. I don't know???? This demon ship won't let me go I hate it so much but also I would die for them both anyway this shit is also unbetaed and littered with errors (consistency is hard and I’m dumb so please ignore them plot holes lol) so sorry in advance. Please do let me know what you think so I can try and improve or maybe just cry about it lol


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